One of those Seven Days..!!

I moved a little further jolted by huge crowd just to have a look at the 'Haryana Swami' Statue. This much religious belief, huge dedication and the surge of emotion I had  never experienced before.

I moved aside and waited for the crowd to scatter so I could have a look at what was so special in the status of 'Haryana Swami'. The occasion was Haryana Swami Yatra in the Harapanahalli Taluk of Davangere District, Karnataka.

That is the fun part of being a journalist. Your work takes you to the places you never even imagined you would go. So going to this Taluk for a week where people only knew only one language ‘Kannada’ was a part of my curriculum at the journo school we LEARN how to be journalists (it seems we are being polished :D).

Anyway so being from north India mostly we come across only two languages ‘Hindi and English’. Knowing a South Indian languages is we do not even dream of so even after being from India itself and being a true Indian by heart; we are treated as if we aren’t a part of it.

Coming back to the Yatra, we were surrounded by like say 5000 people in a very tiny place. Oh yeah and by we, I mean one more colleague of mine who ditched me because of the crowd without even me knowing that we were now apart.

I glanced around but could not locate him. In a strange land with thousands of strangers giving me strange looks thinking that I am some foreigner with my camera who is only visiting to see how poor they were, wasn’t a good feeling trust me.  

I tried to make my way through the crowd, stamped few feet, bumped into few really irritating or let’s say naughty guys but finally reached a place I could  feel safe. 

http://youtu.be/AfKCy4ykNqg

Life's own way.!

 A wave and another one and yet another one. I moved towards the sea so that I could sink my feet into water for sometime. The rainbow after rain looked so beautiful which was such an ease after horrible summers. I saw her right there, sitting and staring blank at the sky. Her long hair had become shorter. It was still drizzling a bit.  

"Hey; its raining out. See how beautiful its looking. Ahh; no wonder people are so fond of rains." She screamed banging on the door.

It was her, few years back, at hostel window; sitting and looking out no where. 

   

"You look lost. What is wrong honey? Don't tell me you still thinking how to call and talk to that guy. Its fine. Just go and give it a shot," she seemed really concerned, so unlike her.

"Uhh, nothing. Not that. Just thinking about certain things. How life changes and it just doesn't go the way you plan it. Isn't it?" I looked at her.

"Yeah; that why I don't even make plans because there are no alterations in life later. Just live it the way it makes you happy and rest leave in his hands," she looked up at the sky and laughed it away. I really did not understand why I was expecting a wise reply from her.

It was her, 5 years back just so chilled and now its her again. A revived version with a failed relationship and then divorce but still wearing a tranquil  look.

I heard form some common friends that now she is giving here full time in some Art and Craft NGO who works for giving a platform to creativity of Street Children. I just remembered how she never failed to make me smile then no matter how the situation was.

Life It Is!!

It felt like the air ruffled my hair, and the stress was eased,

Heart held the happiness within I knew but it was ceased!!

Its is not always sweet and juicy; life has tough times too,

Solutions, we only have to figure out and that is true!!

Its not like things never going to happen the way they should,

If we wouldn't make every possible effort then who you think would!!

Living the life and loving is our only motto which shouldn’t be drawn,

It your life; just be with the people you truly love or else just move on!!

Only if distance Mattered.!

The feeling of getting in the college I always dreamt of was really surreal but still the thought of leaving the Mumbai was killing me deep inside. And obviously how could I just move forward leaving all those memories and moments behind and just shift to not some other state but another part of globe. Everyone seemed so happy and relieved as my parents were really worried about my future like other every parent.

All the thoughts started creeping in mind at once, every scene seemed like just yesterday. Those walks at marine drive, those hang out joints, eating out at the streets, laughing sarcastically with no reason, fighting on nonsense things and than make that up in few minutes; everything minute thing was just so perfect.

I thought of him. I really needed to see him at this instance. It was one of the most important decisions of my life and I really needed him by my side. I wondered what he must be thinking. I was so lost in thoughts and phone rang. I was him.

“Hey,” I tried really hard to sound happy.

“Hi, congrats Beta. You really rocked. I am really so happy for you. You are gem,” my father almost screamed with happiness.

Well, that was weird. He seemed happy; not at all sad about me going away for one whole year.

“Really??” I still wasn’t sure if he’s really happy.

“Yes!! Obviously doll, why would you doubt that! I am really very very happy.” He actually was happy.

“Thanks,” I whispered.

“But you don’t sound happy. What is going on? What is wrong?” He was concerned.

“Nothing. Its just, it will be whole one year. Lots of things can change in one year. How can I leave you people and just go,” I felt so dumb as soon I finished my sentence since my father is very hale and hearty. He is serving in Indian Navy and is as strong as a rock.

“Think of the day you will return after you graduate. Think how happy we all will be. Get out of the trap baby; be happy and relax. Trust me we will be fine, just perfectly fine,” and he laughed.

“If you say so,” I replied.

“Perfect. So I am coming home to meet you all and I NEED TO SEE YOU SMILING, you understand?” and I felt relaxed.

The stress was eased to an extent. Still I was a little worried but that nothing in front of the happiness I gave everyone. I got up to move out, after all had lots of preparations to do.

The Way I Planned!!

 I shut my laptop down and collapsed in the sofa. The results were out of the entrance exam finally and I did not clear it with really good marks. I felt the room getting darken in front of my eyes. I heard so many noises in my head in no time.

“I told you to get admission somewhere this year anyhow and complete your studies. After all we have your responsibility to get you get married.” It was Mom, raising with her eyebrows up with anger.

“It’s your fault entirely. You never tell her anything when she doesn’t study and keeps writing and reading, I don’t know what things,” Dad said slowly with disgust.

I looked stunned. I didn’t know what to say.

“But Dad, I am already working. Getting an MBA degree just for the sake of it is not what I planned for myself and plus you always like what I write. You only say it’s good.” I was really amazed. He always supported me.

“Don’t give silly excuses. This writing some bullshit is not going to take you anywhere. Have you ever thought what you going to do in your life? One can not spend life writing things.” I wished he knew these words would break my heart.

I gave up, n more arguments as my throat chocked. How just few numbers on a paper can decide my future? I had no option but to lock myself in my room, Alone.

I sat down and tears started rolling down.  but then calmed myself down and thought about few coming days. My moist eyes closed themselves as the thought process started.

“Wake up, how long you have sleeping. Your result was supposed to come today, right?” I saw Mom’s face just above my head.

I found myself, lying and dreaming but still on sofa.

I looked at her and smiled. That dream made me decide that I have to prove that its my work can that actually can make a difference, not the big degrees I don't even want to do.

I waited for dad to come home so I can tell him my real plans for the life which I plan to live. 

Will She? Won't She?

Always wondered what is in that look. Sometimes wanted to probe into it. But realized that that look is hiding something she is unwilling to share.

I wanted to reason with myself, in knowing what is it that is hidden in those eyes. But then realized the reasoning was unreasonable. I felt like walking away from it, as much as that may seem implausible. I yet wanted to push myself and learn what could that innocent spiel mean, but didn’t do it. Didn’t do it because I wanted to keep my feelings unquestionable.

As irresistible as it may seem, every touch, every stolen look, every time I hear her laugh compels me to learn about what’s hidden behind those looks.

Now, I feel a gap for hope. A move lacking from her end, as plausible as it may seem, I want her to tell me what she feels. I don’t want to taint my love, I want her to come to me willingly and tell me what she really feels. 

Something ALL Around Me!! :D

There I was, sitting by the very lonely and low coastal area of Indian Sea. Feeling very temped to walk bare foot on the waves like they really yelled at me “C’mon, have a ride, what can really stop you from doing what you really want to do.”

It was the break I took which I needed for taking some time out only for me and better to say think about me. Away from all the responsibilities and drama I was going through.

I was very used to walk on the way which always ended up on laughter and happiness. Never bounded and never questioned. But it was all past.

The present is:-

• I have a morning to evening job which doesn’t really pay much but I am happy having a nice Boss and really nice and chilled environment so the pay doesn’t matter as long as I don’t have a family which is all dependant on me and being a Girl it’s really sufficient for me.

• Unlike my past I live my family now. Its not really a big thing to deal with but I am not used to it. But I feel bounded perhaps because it’s a lot like what’s happen to a free bird flying in sky when you put him in a cage and even worse you cut his wings. Its not something implausible. Any ways I am really trying very hard to deal with it as I love my parents but I love my freedom too.

• I talk a lot and even used to talk a lot. Just difference is I used to talk to people who loved me the way I was and cared for in spite of hoe many arguments we had and now I talk to myself behind the doors closed. People around me don’t really have time to listen to what I say. But I am again trying very hard to keep the smile up.

• I am a dreamer. I love to dream about things even tough I understand they don’t exist. I look at wall and dream, I can in dream while sleeping and even keeping my eyes closed. I can dream walking and even sitting idle. I can dream about something which really means a lot and even about bullshit. Truth is I love to dream.

• An optimistic who really believes everything happens for a reason. Like if someone hurts you just chill that he is made for not to be cared and if someone gives you happiness again chill and don’t expect that next time the same would happen. Make your way out and move on.

• I am a passive reader and struggling writer. Every post I write I find is a master piece but after writing the second one I think this can possibly beat all the records. Lol.  I love to paint tough even I can’t understand what I have captured on canvas but who cares anyway. What is the harm in leaving those papers tainted? At least I love it.

• I love everyone. Better I not talk about relationships here as it may get disclosed to my parents and may be very second day I will be shot dead. Any ways. I feel, Love is not about loving a person. It about loving that feeling when you can feel that you are an essential part of some one’s existence and they willingly accept you the way you are.

• I love my friends. Every one of them. Each of them. They are the real best things ever happened to me. I trust them more my own. I love them for being there for me and keeping on their hold of me whenever I feel am losing the grip or falling down. They are my strengths and charms of my life.

• I believe in my self as my instincts are hardly ever wrong. I even can be a spy in a way as i am really very good at finding out what actually lies behind those words spoken and yes, am also really good at finding out what has been lied to me.

• Okay. Like everyone I love myself, now that is a different thing that I give more priority to people I love. I care for them more than myself and think about their happiness more than mine. But I ma really mean as I expect the same from them also and obviously end up hurting myself as few people are not worth caring for.

• My life is an open book but as a person I am not. Very unpredictable and that’s where people mistake understanding me. Sometimes they understand that what is going on in my heart as am quite expressive so the think that they know me all but what goes behind my walls of brain, in my mind is never out or known.

P.S. I really have so much more to write but I bet no one wants to listen or read about me. But you would read once my book would be a best seller.

Any ways come on; join me in discover what is still undiscovered about me as I don’t say my mind out but I write!!

3WW:- Educate, Object, Silence

“Rubbish, what you think you only have the knowledge of entire world?” He shouted.

I looked at him in amusement  and wondered how can a person be so dumb to understand this tiny and so common thing.

Tough I had objection still rather than arguing with an Idiot, I mentained silence to make proper use of my education after all that is what gentle men normally do.

3WW:- Dabble, Lean, Utter

“Why did you lean it from me? Does that mean you don’t believe me enough to tell me about your work any more now?” She stared at him while he was all quite dabbling his lower lip with his tongue.

She looked at me. I was standing by their side, looking at both of them, wondering how the faith and believe flew of two childhood best friends like this. What about their love and trust which everyone used to give examples of?

“Please yaar, calm down, don’t make it a really big issue now.” I thought I should say something. I never saw her this look in last 8 years or since the time I knew her.

“You would not understand this. You were never married.” She said adiing “and I think that is really wise decision.”

They looked at each other, She angrily and he calmly.

“I din’t hide it from you. I just thought will tell you when the right time would come.” He finally spoke softly.

“Don’t you dare to utter a sigle word of lie from your mouth. God! I am so damn sick of you now.” She shoultd and closed the door on our faces leaving us two behind looking at each other.

“I think I should leave now” I said and he nodded to agree.

I left their house wondering that how love and trust fades slowly when you see the reality of life in a manner which you never imagined of. That why they call it "Bitter truth of life"

3WW:-Judge, Nightfall, Safety

Looking out of the door, the fear crept inside slowly,

            Judging the condition in the best manner he could, 

without having any second thoughts in mind,

              He looked around carefully but before the nightfall approached,

He ran for safety and reached in no time.

            
         What it would be for a kid? The arms of his mother.

3WW:-Demise, Effort, Revival

Tale at An NGO who works to support lonely and still Dependant Women... 

Revived her life was, with pleasure filled around,

We could sense the happiness even from her sound.

Demised her all that pain was in one instant,

Finally She smiled, din't seem even a bit distant,

Our all efforts worked out and turned into reality,

It was nothing else but fate, not any our ability,

She faced a lot and gone through even more,

No one cared for her she thinks ever before,

First time some one looked deep in her empty eyes,

No one she says ever cared for her long silent cries,

We smiled at her, left her behind waving our hands,

There are still places to go ahead and take more stands..

3WW:- Advance, Pander, Shuffle

I stepped back and looked into few lives so deep,

Things will be fine soon I believe, then why to weep?

It isn’t always hard to speak out what you feel,

Then why don’t try and not get wounds which can’t heal.

We can’t know things in advance, that we all know is true,

Then can’t we take life as it comes instead of feeling blue?

We were born to keep the hearts safe with us and live on fullest,

Then why to shuffle them instead of spreading love at the earliest?

Juggled hearts and these emotions unfulfilled cause only pain,

Then why can’t we have only what God’s given and let it remain?

Everything will pass; we will have what we supposed to have,

Then why to pander anything really useless even if anyone crave?

3WW:-Clutch, Delight, Happy!!!

Clutching the umbrella tight between her figures she was running at the full speed she could run. It was late evening and she had to reach to her village before it turns dark. 

It was raining heavenly out.  She felt ease from the struggle with each drop of rain went through her face. She felt like flying with every blow of air. 

"This is it" she thought "Now we will get the fruitful results of all our struggle. How delighted every one would be after hearing this??" and she increased her speed.

The way seemed so long which she used to find really short playing around with her cattle. Her all childhood friends used to come there with their cattle. She went in flash back when she really used to feel bad when her all brothers went to school, and being a girl, she couldn't. 

Her society was still very orthodox while rest of the world was celebrating 21st century. What is really going to change for them in this, no one thought. Lots of people came and went, visited their place many times, surveyed a lot but still instead of death of all hopes, nothing else happened.All laws were killed there, as someone was supposed to speak out and no one did. 

Its was a result of real hard struggle of 5 years. Complete 5 years of devotion and sacrifice.  

She was only 4 when Radhika Di 1st came to their village in a survey. She came and never went back. She had a zeal for doing something which really makes a difference and she decided to stay back for them. To do something for them all. She also always wished to be like Radhika Di once she grows up.

The rain had almost stopped. A bit of drizzling was there and a new hope. She almost reached at her village. She could see the lamps twinkling from the last turn. She was breathless by the time she reached at the center where everyone was gathered. They looked at her, with hopes in eyes.

"what happened??" Her father reached her. His voice was trembling with excitement.  

She looked at him but couldn't speak. 

"Someone get some water for her." Someone shouted.

She nodded which meant " Yes."

She drank it slowly, sat down on the earth, looked around at those curious faces and broke into tears. 

"We won!! We won Bapu, We won!! Radhika Di is coming with the legal orders. We won"  She screamed with happiness. 

It was like winning a battle against system. Finally they will be able to study. they were getting a girls school even with those facilities which boys school doesn't have.

They got the school where Girls will be able to study, without any fee.

Their very Own girls School!!! 

3WW:- Gesture, Immediate,Treasure

I have a feeling that very soon I'll be far, am gonna fly,
No matter how many walls you build around and high!!!

No doubt I felt special with your every single gesture,

You really gave me countless memories to treasure!!!

I was only always near and immediate next to you,

No matter how tough times you had and went through!!!

But now seems like its really getting tough for me to take,

I really wonder in lives why don't we have any retake!!!

I feel a lump in my throat, a blockage in my thoughts,
Then would it be really very hard to open up all those knots!!!

It better to move out rather than loosing my own self,

I need to be only me now and really don't need any help!!!

You be always happy even if I am not there around,

Just think of me, and I promise you would hear my sound!!!

For 3WW:-

http://www.threewordwednesday.com/

3WW:-Abrupt, Kernel, Wield

The reaction was abrupt which I never thought of,

Those words were bit wield but really very aloof,

I tried hard to look happy but I knew it was nominal,

How would the life revolve on track if it losts its Kernel?

For 3WW:-

http://www.threewordwednesday.com/

3WW:-Fragile, Rampant, Tremor

I ran towards the Taxi stand as soon as I heard that Prachi Di tried to commit suicide. How, When, Why!!! All the thoughts kept creeping in my mind. I really felt a strong Tremor in floor but I had to put myself all together and had to step out. "How did she even not think about Peehu before doing something like it? Who else poor Peehu has except her Mom?? Why did she??" I kept thinking while stepping out of my place. 

And hell!! I could not get a cab.. I cursed the transport system and the traffic of Mumbai and on the top of everything the President was visiting our area so there was huge system as most of the roads were blocked by the police due to security reasons. Any ways tough it took me almost one hour instead of 20 minutes, some how  I managed to reach the hospital. 

And I saw her!! There!! Lying on the bed!! That face I have been looking at for last 6 years!! Calm but dull!! 

I almost broke into tears. Her doctor told me not to wake her up as she just slept. 

"Where is Peehu" I suddenly realized but whom to ask. I thought of asking the doctor if she has any idea and she really knew. Even had enough information to put in my thoughts again. 

"Oh, yeah! Her Dad came and took her with him at his place. I think He knew that you would be coming here so told me to inform you. I am so sorry, it slipped from my mind" She informed me.

"He din't stay here and wait till Prachi di wakes up?? " I was really hurt. How can a person be so stone hearted.

"No, he had some really important work, he said" doctor said and left.

I looked at Prachi Di. She was only 26. A divorced after being in a love marriage against entire society for which worked only for 2 years. Mom of a 5 years old Girl Peehu. 

God!! What all she has seen in these 7 years. Accidental death of Parents. A really bad marriage. Cheated by husband. Leaving home for betterment of her baby's life. Single Mom and now independent woman.

 How she tolerated the rampant anger inside. The questions of the society have been no less. They killed her every day. Tough she tried to be for living her life and giving Peehu a life what every kid dream of...

Living fragile dreams she saw being in love, really has been so tough for her.

But she stood still!! like a rock in front of every problem then why today??? 

What happened now??? 

What reason can be bigger than what she has faced already!!!!

And questions left unanswered with the silence of the Hospital ward in that dark night!!!!




For 3WW:-

http://www.threewordwednesday.com/